I have TWO publications out today, both free to read at Breath And Shadow, an online magazine dedicated to the writings of disabled people. So I'm going to do two posts, one for my story and one for my essay.
First, my story, The Unwelcome Destiny Of Virginia Monahan, available here: https://www.abilitymaine.org/bs2020fall/%22the-unwelcome-destiny-of-virginia-monahan%22
(If you want to read my essay, as well, There's No Special Ed At Hogwarts, here is the link: https://www.abilitymaine.org/bs2020fall/%22there%E2%80%99s-no-special-ed-at-hogwarts%22)
That is the first line of The Unwelcome Destiny Of Virginia Monahan, and it is also the first line I wrote after escaping my abusive home.
I was in a nursing home, where I spent a month waiting to go to a group home. Typing was difficult, I was miserable, and there was just so much going on that I could barely think let alone write.
I got my first ever cell phone, and dictating made writing possible. Still not easy–it would be a while before I could effortlessly translate my thoughts into spoken word–but possible. And having a phone also made it possible for me to discover my own taste in music.
I've always listened to what my mom listens to. Mostly 80s and oldies. And I do love that music, but I was rebelling. I moved out on my own, started my life over. I was gonna listen to what I wanted to listen to.
… and it turns out my taste in music largely resembles that of my mom. But at least I tried to rebel, right?
My mom generally does not like music made past the 80s, but there is one modern band that we both love. Train. You know, the Drops of Jupiter people. I actually think that song was the first song I added to my Spotify playlist.
When I wasn't hanging out with my group of friends at the nursing home, I wandered the halls and played music. My mother’s music. My music. Because, no matter how much I tried to pretend otherwise, I am my mother's daughter.
But I could still rebel. I could sing.
My mother never told me I couldn't, but I never felt comfortable trying it until then. So I would go down the hallway, sunlight from the snowy courtyard streaming in through the giant windows, and I would sing Meet Virginia. And it felt good, it felt right. It felt like I was telling destiny that I might be my mother's daughter, but only I get to decide what that means.
The Unwelcome Destiny of Virginia Monahan is based on Meet Virginia, about a girl with magic intuition and tragic confidence. A girl who sees the future and doesn't like what she sees. A girl who drinks coffee at midnight while pulling her hair back as she screams because she doesn't want to be queen of the fairies.
"Gin had always seen the ripples" was written right before I went to sleep one night at the nursing home. I didn't know what the story would be about any more than I knew how my life would turn out, because unlike Virginia Monahan I can't see the future. But I did know one thing: I'm the only one in charge of my destiny.
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