Depth and Meaning

Good morning and happy pride month! I have a new story publication to share!

Luna Station Quarterly is one of my favorite magazines. They publish fantastical stories by women authors, including my stories One Last Ride On The Horse With Purple Roses and Pocketful of Souls.

And now I am happy to announce that they have published, free to read online or available in e-book and paperback, issue 42 which contains my story Depth and Meaning!

Depth and Meaning is a story about art and depression and creativity. It's about magical artists trying to conjure a rainstorm and bring an end to a drought. It's about social stigma surrounding mental illness and inner strength and modern medicine.

It's bad to be depressed. But if you ask some people, suffering gives depth and meaning to art. Happiest is not the path to art. And if you take antidepressants, it changes you. And if you talk about mental illness, you're weak.

These people are liars.

I paint and I used to draw, but I don’t really consider myself an artist. But I have had depression, still do, and I’m a writer. And I might be technically able to write and to write well when I am depressed, but it doesn't mean anything. I don't feel anything for it. People might say it's good, but those stories never get published. Those stories are missing something.

When I'm happy, when I have the energy to put my entire self into my work, those are the stories people love. Those are the stories that have meaning.

My story is a very thinly veiled metaphor about antidepressants and talking about depression openly and without stigma. And this is where the story diverters from mine.

I go to therapy. I don't know if it helps. Sometimes I feel worse afterwards, because I have been talking about things that upset me. But I do believe talking can help. And in general, society sense? We need to talk about mental illness. We need to say that's all right to be depressed or to have scary thoughts or to be diagnosed with bipolar… even if we aren't talking about our feelings personally, it is vital that we talk about these things.

As for antidepressants… I don't like them personally. I've never stayed on them long enough to feel a benefit because the side effects in the beginning are too bad for me. I know I should try it, try to tough it out, but they scare me because I don't like the way I feel on them. At the same time, they have saved the lives of people I love. They are not for everyone, but they need to be an option.

(small update: since writing this blog post right after I got the acceptance letter for the story, I actually started painting again. I'll probably do a whole blog post about that when I get time.)

http://lunastationquarterly.com/story/depth-and-meaning/