Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Not Like Other Ghouls

Sometimes people ask me what inspired a story and I'm happy to ramble for an hour about how it came to be, explaining all of the history and science and meaning behind the story and the characters and the symbolism.

This is not one of those times.

My story, Not Like Other Ghouls, is now available in Strangely Funny VII, an anthology of funny horror, exists for one very simple reason:

The title made me giggle.

Seriously. I came up with the title, and I had to write a story around it.

It is a story about Adele, an autistic zombie who has attention deficit disorder. And she is not like other zombies, because she has no desire to create new zombies, because this story is an allegory about being asexual.

But maybe, if she was friends with or fell in love with a human, maybe then she would feel that desire. Because this is also a story about being demisexual, which is the term for when you don't feel attraction for someone unless you have a connection with them.

And here is where this story is a little… awkward for me. You see, originally the love interest was not a love interest. He was a friendship interest. So I thought it would be a great idea to base the character on one of my friends.

And then I thought… eh, what the heck. Let's add some romance.

Completely forgetting until I submitted the story that I based the character who is now the love interest on my friend. Oh and did I mention I might have a teeny tiny little bit of a crush on this friend?

Yeah. So…

Luckily, said friend thinks this whole situation is hilarious and encouraged me not to change anything.

Monday, June 1, 2020

Depth and Meaning

Good morning and happy pride month! I have a new story publication to share!

Luna Station Quarterly is one of my favorite magazines. They publish fantastical stories by women authors, including my stories One Last Ride On The Horse With Purple Roses and Pocketful of Souls.

And now I am happy to announce that they have published, free to read online or available in e-book and paperback, issue 42 which contains my story Depth and Meaning!

Depth and Meaning is a story about art and depression and creativity. It's about magical artists trying to conjure a rainstorm and bring an end to a drought. It's about social stigma surrounding mental illness and inner strength and modern medicine.

It's bad to be depressed. But if you ask some people, suffering gives depth and meaning to art. Happiest is not the path to art. And if you take antidepressants, it changes you. And if you talk about mental illness, you're weak.

These people are liars.

I paint and I used to draw, but I don’t really consider myself an artist. But I have had depression, still do, and I’m a writer. And I might be technically able to write and to write well when I am depressed, but it doesn't mean anything. I don't feel anything for it. People might say it's good, but those stories never get published. Those stories are missing something.

When I'm happy, when I have the energy to put my entire self into my work, those are the stories people love. Those are the stories that have meaning.

My story is a very thinly veiled metaphor about antidepressants and talking about depression openly and without stigma. And this is where the story diverters from mine.

I go to therapy. I don't know if it helps. Sometimes I feel worse afterwards, because I have been talking about things that upset me. But I do believe talking can help. And in general, society sense? We need to talk about mental illness. We need to say that's all right to be depressed or to have scary thoughts or to be diagnosed with bipolar… even if we aren't talking about our feelings personally, it is vital that we talk about these things.

As for antidepressants… I don't like them personally. I've never stayed on them long enough to feel a benefit because the side effects in the beginning are too bad for me. I know I should try it, try to tough it out, but they scare me because I don't like the way I feel on them. At the same time, they have saved the lives of people I love. They are not for everyone, but they need to be an option.

(small update: since writing this blog post right after I got the acceptance letter for the story, I actually started painting again. I'll probably do a whole blog post about that when I get time.)