Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Ode to Awesome Dialogue Cut

In editing a sci-fi novella, I have had to cut out a great many lines which I love, despite my attempts to rework the scenes to keep them in. This, unfortunately, is one such exchange.

Moses wasted no time in issuing his offer. "Yours is a dolorous life spent exploiting those infelicitous enough to be your kindreds, and though I am a man not inclined to emotional extortion under the guise of-"
"English, please."
Moses glared at the arrogant man and spoke with a decorum which belied his seething impatience. "That was English."
"Then modern English, please."
"I have made a pilgrimage to save the human race, and you are doing nothing to help!"

I actually laughed when I discovered this in my first draft. For all you people under 40 (says the 25 year old who happens to have really outdated tastes in music), Modern English was a band, and their song "Melt with You" contained the line "I've made a pilgrimage to save the human race."
Maybe I was channeling too much of the kind of 80s reference humor that I loved about Psych, and maybe it didn't fit with the tone of the work, but I love this conversation and it would have stayed if I didn't have to cut the entire scene.

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