Giftmas 2019

It’s that time of year again… GIFTMAS! This yearly fundraiser put together by Rhonda Parrish (Editor extraordinaire and generally awesome lady) is a blog tour that raises money for the Edmonton Food Bank in Edmonton, Alberta. There is also a raffle, but more on that in a sec.
Thanks to the wonders of buying in bulk, every dollar raised in this fundraiser will provide three meals to hungry people. And since the money they are raising is in Canadian dollars, we Americans get more bang for our buck, to quote Rhonda.
This year, there is also a snowman drawing contest! More details on that here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/snowman-drawing-31876321

Now, onto business. Here is the main link to the fundraiser. We are trying to raise $1000 this year, I know we can do it with your help. http://bit.ly/Giftmas2019

Want to enter the raffle and win fabulous prizes? My contribution this year is 100 tiny glow in the dark alien figurines. http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/bc98f9ba16/


I have no personal stake in this. I have never gone hungry, I have never been to Edmonton. I volunteered to help a few years ago because Rhonda was one of the first editors I worked with and I wanted to help her out. But it is really important to me because I know I am helping feed people even if I have never met them, even if I never will meet them, I am helping them. So I’m going to ask you to donate if you can, and if you can’t, please share these links with others. We are doing good and having fun doing it.

So now that the important stuff is out of the way, I guess it is time for my blog post.

 I’ll be honest, I was not sure what to write for this blog post. I’ve been part of Giftmas for… What, three years now? And I always struggle to write a good blog post for things like this. I always think I should be funnier, more heartfelt, less serious, more serious…

So I’ve decided to just talk about Christmas.

This Christmas is going to be different than any Christmas I’ve ever experienced. In February of this year, I moved out of my mom‘s apartment. Our relationship was not good, even though it was really good sometimes, And even though I still really miss the good times, because she was abusive. It is still hard for me to write those words, because I know there are people reading this who wish I would not put family business on the Internet. But this is my life.

When I was young, Christmas was magical. Trees and decorations and presents and chocolates. Believing in Santa and going to my friend‘s to celebrate with her big family, watching Rankin Bass specials.

That slowly stopped. There was no one year where we stopped doing that, we just… Tapered off. And this year, I was told that when I was young, my parents didn’t think I was going to live to be an adult. Every few years, they were told I might live a little bit longer than they expected.

Those years roughly corresponds to when we started tapering off. It might be a coincidence, but I don’t think so. I think they were trying to fit in as much Christmas as they could while I was still alive. It’s sad. It almost ruins the memories of those piles of presents. Almost.

Around the time I became a teenager, Around the time they were told I might Have a normal life expectancy, and around the time my parents got divorced, Christmas just stopped.

I still wanted Christmas. Maybe I didn’t believe in Santa anymore, but I believed that we could still have Christmas. I kept trying. Except… We weren’t friends with my friend and her big family anymore, we didn’t buy presents, putting up the tree became such a hassle that my mom didn’t do it anymore.

For over half my life, I didn’t celebrate Christmas. We didn’t listen to Christmas music. Even if it came on the radio, it would be turned off immediately. It felt like a holiday version of that town in footloose that banned dancing.

My last Christmas at home, I don’t think we did anything. I don’t think we even acknowledge the day. I don’t think I even bought a present for my cat. We just did not do Christmas.

Then I moved out. It was planned and unplanned, a long time coming and spontaneous, something I had prepared for and total chaos.

I live in a group home. I am slowly, at the age of 29, figuring out how to be an adult. I decided I should buy presents for all of my family who was so awesome while I was moving out, but I wasn’t really doing Christmas.

And then I thought about buying presents for my housemates. Maybe a card for one or two people, if I found a really awesome card for them. But still. I wasn’t doing Christmas.

Then suddenly, I’m humming along to Christmas music. Not necessarily because I wanted to, or because I felt like I finally could, it just. It just happened, and it felt good, And no one thought I was weird or wrong for doing it, So I sat in the main room of my group home with housemates and staff and we belted out Christmas songs.

I’ve been watching Christmas specials, I helped decorate the house, I’m buying a Christmas shirt. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to accept The fact that I am doing Christmas this year.

I don’t know what it’s going to look like, I don’t know what it’s going to feel like. I don’t have any cherished traditions anymore, but I think I want to make some.

Not sure what happened to the font there. Anyway.

If you want to follow the rest of the blog Tour, Here Is a helpful Little schedule