Revenge of the Editing Notes

I'm revising FreakShow. The notes from my revise & resubmit are incredibly helpful and I agree with them.
But you pull one plot thread, and the whole thing unravels.
I changed one scene. One. And now I need to change the next five chapters and probably delete two more, except for the important information in those chapters that I have to fit in somewhere else.


Anyway. Big bunch of notes from the end of Blue Incarnations. Now I just have to actually edit it.
I'm surprisingly pleased with the end, but it'll be a lot of work to make the beginning match it in quality. Or plot.

　

　

This sword was pointless.

(I swear that pun was unintended.)

"His moustache makes him look like he has a squirrel stapled to his face." I forgot about this line! I love it so.

The president is also gay? This is amazing.

Bobson. That's the best last name you could think of?

Really. Children shouldn't be planning assassinations. REALLY?

WOW THAT WAS SO ELOQUENT NOT. (I have this written in the actual manuscript but the line it refers to isn't that bad?)

Remember: just because I can't imagine anyone but Jeff Goldblum playing this character doesn't mean I should add a Jurassic Park reference here. Even if they ARE being chased and he IS looking in a mirror and they really MUST go faster.

Somehow I doubt "swearer-inner" is a real job title.

I assume by "I slide down the window" you meant she opens the car window, but it took me a second to figure out that she isn't a Wacky Wall Walker.

And Carey is fat again. (I swear this man changes size every scene.)

I don't think that part of the helicopter is called "feet bars."

NO. She does not have extraterrestrial boobies. Try "unfamiliar" instead of "alien." (She currently has the memories of her male past life uploaded into her brain, and he is finding her anatomy distressing.)

And Carey is skinny again.

What a very subtle transition, not.

Find a better name for the bad guys than "BGs." I keep seeing it as "Bee Gees" and Barry Gibbs has no business in this story.

Can we call them the Knights on Broadway?

No, that would be ridiculous. (...right?)

We need to nail down once and for all which one is Sasha.

Okay, knock it off. I think FreakShow filled my "OMG stars are so pretty!!!" quota for the millennium.

And Carey is fat again.

How many times has she almost had a Winnie the Pooh incident?

People don't sidle often enough.

"This one dispenses of whatever semblance of charm and warmth of the last." What even is this attempt at a sentence?

In which a fruit plate is a major plot point.

OMG, seriously. Stop being surprised by the awful things your corrupt government is doing.

And now Carey is tall. No mention of weight.

The character I imagine as Jeff Goldblum is described as rubbing his hands together like a fly and I don't know if that was an intentional reference to The Fly or not.

One of the Sashas is now named Rosita apparently and I don't know which one. I really need to name these people better.

Do better glazier foreshadowing.

Let's use three different tenses in one sentence. Omg.

She never said that because these last chapters are from a book with a better beginning than the one you wrote.

Ooh, those jungle scenes are going to be full of Legends of the Hidden Temple references, aren't they?

You forgot who she threatened? It was like two pages ago.

Chief Justice changed his name there.

Let's finally add a backstory for Phyllis. In the epilogue.

Okay that ending was actually good.