Notes from the Editing Room - Chapters 11, 12, and 13

Only three chapters left, and then I have to start fixing all the things I've been making fun of. Yay?　

• Of course Jack had to take his shirt off. What kind of dashing space captain would he be if he didn't?
• But seriously. Stop having crushes on your own characters. It's weird.
• What exactly is your fascination with the word "jagged"?
• "I hadn't had a single thought of the future since [Diantha became Darth Vader]." No, this isn't like Star Wars at all, why do you ask?
• Oh my god. You just used a bird to symbolize a different bird. Again.
• While stupid beyond belief, "[a punch to the feels]" is a really good description of this scene.

• "[something went "pew!"]" is possibly the best line in any action scene you've ever written
• You seriously based a major plot point and a whole lot of intricate mathematics and timing on a line from American Pie? Fine, but we're changing the measurements to metric so no one catches on that your floating city is 8 miles high and falling fast. It's now 12.87475 kilometers high. And descending in a rapid manner.
• HEY LOOK, EXTREMELY SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!
• No. Unicorn farts cannot be used as fuel. Think of something real.
• Oh my god seriously. I appreciate the attempt at literary technique, but stop using birds to symbolize birds. It isn't as clever as you think it is.

 

• I think this is where it gets stupid for a minute
• OH WAIT, I ACTUALLY FORGOT THAT PART. THAT PART WAS GOOD.
• The story was sounding too much like Star Wars, so your solution was basically freezing someone in carbonite? Allow me a moment to grieve for your problem solving skills.