Notes from the Editing Room - Chapters 8, 9, and 10

Someday my book will be published and I'll be famous and people will say nice things about me, and then they'll read these posts and say "Oh dear god, we've made a terrible mistake. She's not good at writing; she just pushes random buttons and gets lucky sometimes." And I'll just laugh.

• HEY LOOK - SOCIAL COMMENTARY
• "[buildings made of worldbuilding]" You put so much thought into your books.
• The town represents the dying carnival because you actually are capable of using literary devices such as metaphor and symbolism! Either that or you got really lucky with your random town you made up. I can't remember.
• Forget the freak show performers saving the universe; I want to read about the people who breed show poodles in space!
• The ambiguous "she" in that sentence is hilarious now that I know the ending.

• I actually like this scene and I'm finding less to complain about in each chapter?
• There's your chance to describe the Sargeant Pepper uniforms you want the army to wear.
• Hey, I see what you did there! It's foreshadowing!
• Why in the name of pomegranates does the man need a grenade launcher? I mean, he is technically a soldier but he's mostly the guy who checks things on a clipboard.　

• Pay attention here, doofus. Jack is cut by a flying knife and his last name is not Bauer, so make sure he isn't magically cured next commercial break.
• "[floor guts]"? Because it was too difficult to look up what is between the floor and ceiling of a multilevel building?
• Oh, great. This scene is making me feel feelings.
• I honestly don't know if that's how gravity works. Go research how gravity works.