Notes from the Editing Room - Chapters 14, 15, and 16

This is it. I've berated myself through the whole dang book. Now I have to go back and actually fix the stuff I've been mocking. Yay?

• Battle strategy? Oh, please. You stole that from the Final Fantasy 7 strategy guide
• And your knowledge of caves comes entirely from video games as well. Don't think I don't know you're just describing levels from Spyro the Dragon here
• "The spacious torture cavern"? Is that what you're calling it? Because it sounds like you're a real estate agent from Despicable Me or something.

 

• Billie scares me. She's like if Helena and Alison from Orphan Black had a baby who looked like Rose Tyler. But with knives.
• So let me get this straight. He sees a reflection in the knife blade of the hologram and recognizes the exact color of light - which exists nowhere else in the universe - and remembers seeing it in a bunker ten years ago? And this is a major plot point? You might as well have him say "See that piece of glitter? I remember seeing that specific piece of glitter on a birthday card my aunt gave me when I was seven, so I know exactly where the bad guys are." Seriously. Fix this.
• "[describe running?]" You couldn't describe a rock if you said "it was a rock that looked like a rock."
• You don't know anything about war. Why do you write about war?
• Lookit you, asking existential questions about the elasticity of our personalities and how we know who we truly are. It's almost like you've realized your silly little spaceship story has a theme or something.

 

• This is the second time this chapter you've mentioned fireflies and I really don't understand what the purpose of that is.
• "[sensible clothes of some fashion]." It's only the most important scene in the book. Why would you do research?
• You called water "liquid life". Don't... just don't do things like that.
• I think you have scenes that go "HEY LOOK, STARS. ISN'T SPACE AWESOME?" more often than you use birds to symbolize different birds.