Return of the Editing Notes

On April 19, World Weaver Press is revealing the cover of their new equine-themed fantasy anthology Equus, which will be available in paperback and ebook on July 18. And I'm part of the reveal team, so come on back here next Wednesday to see the cover (it's real pretty, you guys).

Now, on to the editing notes. The first draft of Blue Incarnations is not improving. Most of it isn't actually that bad, but the bad parts are reeeaally bad. (You can tell by how many times I use "omg" in my notes.)

• This is a chase sequence! Stop describing the scenery!
• Wait. Hold up. Did she just super casually remember very specific details about her past life? You know, the thing she can't do BECAUSE IT'S THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE BOOK?
• Is there mall jail in the future?
• Aaaand "Namey Namerson" wins the prize for stupidest placeholder name ever.
• "Don't you have a wishing well to patrol?" Best insult ever.
• So this is the Jetsons then. Because I get how maybe adding water to a futuristic food tablet could fill a glass with a chocolaty beverage. But no way can it put a cherry on top. OMG fix the science!
• Is she seriously surprised by the fact that she died in a past life? What exactly does she think happened to make it a PAST life?
• Omg stop talking about flarpball. It isn't a sport.
• Yeah you totally stole that scene from an episode of Rugrats.
• SOCIAL COMMENTARY ALERT. WEE-OOH-WEE-OOH.
• "Focus groups indicate cursive is the most sympathetic writing style." I don't remember writing so much of this book.
• Yeeeah, the file clerks are clearly not the enemy here.
• Convenient plot time is convenient.
• Is there a better way to do this major plot point that doesn't involve whimsical fridge magnets?
• I think Gran would rather you get her out of jail and then go have girly funtimes in the city.
• Pineapples. They're not pines, they're not apples... what's up with that? Omg was she Jerry Seinfeld in a past life?
• It's not mindreading if the other person says their thoughts out loud.
• "Pride, not hide." Well, it rhymes but it's still a stupid slogan.
• It's the future. Do men still wear ties?
• I find myself doubting every detail I add: "It's the future. Would there still be eggs, or are chickens extinct? Are velociraptors farmed for eggs?"
• *whispers* It would improve the story significantly if they were.
• "Hey, welcome to our super secret bad guy villain lair. May I teach you to tango?"