Notes from the Editing Room - Chapters 6 and 7

I'm surprised at how... not awful this draft actually is at times. In my head, it was an absolute mess. Won't stop me from mercilessly mocking myself, though. (And in other news, I've just cashed my first check ever and am now calling myself a professional writer!)


 

• You used a bird to represent a different bird? What amazing symbolism!
• No hovering cars! If they have hovering cars, some of them could survive the disaster and it would be .00001% less tragic!
• Alternate theory: A few survivors makes it more tragic?
• I literally have no idea if "a shipload of enemies" is a typo or just space slang you invented. Guessing the latter since you don't like to swear, but...

 
• "opened up like a bleeding wallet"? Oh my god, Jen. What kind of way is that to describe a surgery patient?
• I have no idea what kind of religion they practice except "vague desert Incan/Aztec/Mayan type deal"
• I officially ship Jack with every other character
• Is there Swiss cheese in space?
• "but [planet] was a planet". No, REALLY?
• "If I'd have been in the kind of guy who kept [scrapbooks], Merulo and mine would have [burst at its seams] with [pictures of space pirates we punched and other examples of us being little scoundrels]." I love how Jack's voice is lost the instant I use a placeholder.
• Hey, is space amazing and beautiful? I can't be sure, since you only mention it every chapter.