Notes from the Editing Room

When I edit, I say very cruel and sarcastic things to myself. I thought it might be amusing to document them as I read the first draft of my space opera, Freak Show. This is chapter one of sixteen. Remarkably few [vague and unhelpful placeholders] found in this one.

• Oh lookit that. You were shipping Jack and Lily on page 1 and you didn't even realize it
• Hey, remember that first version of this scene where Jack and Lily spent waaaaaay too much time talking about llamas? I'm proud of you for realizing how awful that was.
• Yeah because in a world where people have artificial gravity and stuff, the violin will be the instrument of choice. I mean, at least go for a theremin (how does my spellcheck not know the word "theremin"?) or glass 'armonica. Something that sounds... space-y. Spacious. No, that's already a word that means something else.
• You describe music weird.
• Seriously. Have you ever heard music before?
• What are you trying to accomplish with the triplets here? They sound like zombies. Either rewrite the entire book to be about space zombies or make them interesting characters in their own right.
• That line is actually nice foreshadowing but I know you didn't do that on purpose because it foreshadows something you came up with months later.
• Literally no clue what this means: "a [space pingpong table] weded in a corner of the galley." I'm guessing "welded" but that doesn't make it mean much in context.
• [look up plane words]? That's helpful.
• Really? [more plane words]? I don't even know where you expect me to begin with this research.